![]() Last night my fourteen-year-old daughter, Chelsea, came home and said, “Mom, I need to talk. A couple of weeks later, I received an e-mail from Andrea, one of the participants. Then parents and children had a chance to practice listening to each other, giving each other the experience of being listened to. My intent was to get everyone comfortable with the listening process before they talked within their own families. In the first two rounds, family members split up and worked with people they didn’t know. What do you lie awake at night worrying about?.Tell me about your friends and what you like about them.When you dream or think about the future, what is it like?.What are some of your favorite memories?.It’s actually about devoting your complete attention to the person who is speaking so they truly feel heard. I’ve been presenting a listening exercise in workshops for over 30 years, and even though we’re all experienced at speaking and listening, this exercise always changes how people listen.ĭuring the exercise, the person listening can’t say anything at all. What a gift, especially from your teenager! They speak in a way that gives you access to their world and their soul. Why? Because when people sense that you are truly listening, they usually respect that gift by speaking with purpose and authenticity. When you put the world on hold and give your full attention to someone, you are creating a place where authentic conversation can occur. Listening without resisting, changing, or adding to a conversation is listening. Not being listened to is hard on the heart.Being heard means being taken seriously.To listen is to pay attention, take an interest, care about, take to heart, validate, acknowledge, be moved, appreciate.The gift of our attention and understanding makes the other person feel validated and valued.To listen well, we must forget ourselves and submit to the other person’s need for attention.Michael Nichols’ book The Lost Art of Listening points out the essence and impact of listening: ![]() With some perspective on what it means to really listen, and then with the intention to practice, we can shift very quickly toward listening in that magical way. If you observe these people, you begin to realize that part of what’s so special is the way in which they listen. Certainly we don’t often purposely make a difference to someone just by listening.Įver notice that some people are just great to be around? You just feel good when you are with them. We listen half-heartedly as we plan what we’re going to say next or allow our attention to wander elsewhere. We listen mostly to follow what is being said without truly understanding it or taking it in. Yet we don’t listen very often, at least not in a way that is magical. When you really listen to someone, special things happen. Perhaps we’ve lost the ability to listen well because we never really understood what it is: listening is just listening. It’s a great question because it reveals such a common problem: Listening is so basic that we take it for granted. doi:10.1371/ I received this question: Both my 21-year-old and my 15-year-old have told me that I don’t listen to them, so I know it’s bad. fMRI study of social anxiety during social ostracism with and without emotional support. Nishiyama Y, Okamoto Y, Kunisato Y, et al. The impact of mindfulness on empathy, active listening, and perceived provisions of emotional support. Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers. Jahromi VK, Tabatabaee SS, Abdar ZE, Rajabi M. A 3-stage model of patient-centered communication for addressing cancer patients' emotional distress. Michigan State University, MSU Extension.ĭean M, Street Jr RL. Balancing openness and interpretation in active listening. This can help keep you from feeling annoyed and unheard. If you're talking with another person and they are clearly uninterested in the conversation, it may be best to end that conversation respectfully. ![]() Understand when exiting the conversation is best.By seeing you demonstrate active listening, they might become a better listener too. Continuing to practice these skills may just inspire the person you're conversing with to do the same. Be patient with yourself as you go through the learning process. Like with any skill, being good at active listening takes some practice. Practice your active listening skills.If you both have passion for the topic, it becomes easier to stay fully engaged in the conversation. This works particularly well when engaging in small talk as you get to know one another. This naturally causes you to ask more questions and to seek to understand, which are two of the core foundations of active listening in communication. The more curious you are about something, the easier it becomes to want to know more.
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